A Chance with You
Author: Cathay
(c) 2001
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Not clear who does, but I
don't.
Warning: m/m consensual sexual situations
Thanks: Kristy - for helping Murdock's voice Glenda - for season five continuity
Summary: Missing scene, Family Reunion after the
Face/Murdock argument
A Chance with You
I looked up at Face from where I was sitting on the ground.
I couldn't believe that he'd shoved me hard enough to knock me down. Sure, we'd
been havin' problems lately, but I never thought it would come to this.
I've been in love with him since I first saw him in 'Nam. We
have over fifteen years of history together as best friends and sometime
lovers. The problem is that, while he is my numero uno, I'm not his. I love him
and only him, and he. . . well, he doesn't love me like that. Or at least he
doesn't know he does. One day he'll open his eyes and realize, know in his
mind, heart, and soul, that I'm the one for him, and he should take the chance
of loving me.
I know this seems lopsided, but it made sense when I was
crazy. Who would want to be in love with a lunatic? Not my totally uptight
Face. But now that I've been ceritified sane and have the paper to prove it,
what's wrong with me? I shower. I shave. I comb my hair. I change my t-shirt
daily.
What I don't do is those little things most people do when
they're in love. I don't take up his hobbies. I don't change the way I dress to
please him. I don't hang on his every word. I don't run after him. Not much.
Those are my only advantages over all those women of his.
Models, actresses, nuns. Geez! Give him a clear choice; that's been my plan.
But everything I've done lately just makes Face madder and
madder at me.
This time it started with Halloween.
I thought it would be fun to go trick-or-treating at Face's.
I gave him a call to make sure the other guys were out, and I put on a costume
left over from one of our cases. I'd been saving that costume for a real special
occasion.
"Trick-or-treat, Muchacho!" I shouted when he
opened the door at Langley. "Will you marry me?"
Should I have known that he wouldn't think the wedding dress
was an appropriate Halloween costume? That he wouldn't get the joke?
Maybe. I can see it now. I guess.
At the time, I was happy. He pulled me into the house and
jammed me against the door he had shut behind us. I thought he was overcome
with lust, and maybe he was, at that. He did kiss me. The kind of kiss I dream
of from him and so seldom get. Mouths open, his tongue running along mine. A
shiver ran through my entire body. I just kinda curled up 'gainst him and tried
to savor the moment. I was meltin'; I swear.
"Okay, Murdock," Face was breathing hard as he
broke the kiss. "Out of here!"
"What?" I was a little dazed and what he said
didn't register. Talk about mixed messages!
"Get out! And stop pushing me!"
I got out, but it took me a week to figure out what'd
happened. Well, I guess I never have figured out what happened, really. It was
a joke, afterall, maybe with a little truth behind it. But that kiss wasn't a joke.
Not at all. Kept me awake nights. Just like all his kisses.
If he hasn't figured out yet that we were meant for each
other, that it's in the cards for us, I can't just tell him that we belong
together. Not Face. No one can tell Face anything; he has to know it deep
inside himself. Think about it and ponder. Weigh the options. And maybe be hit on the head with it. I'm
not sure I'm up to it some days.
The following week I tried to get him to scam me a job. I
was tired of working all those silly jobs, but no one would hire me with a
fifteen-year gap in my employment history. Even when I explained where I'd been.
But Face said helping me would be dishonest. I ended up at the turkey ranch
makin' friends with Thanksgiving dinner. I coulda killed him.
Why is Facey being like this? I want him, I love him. What's
wrong with showin' him? Godsakes, he's my best friend in the whole world. What
can be wrong with loving him? Wanting him? You never get anything out of this
world without makin' your wishes known, without taking that risk. And I'm
wishin' for Facey.
I knew from that kiss and the other things he's done that he
wants and loves me just a little too. Sometimes, I think, a lot. What's
stoppin' him?
I do believe in that forever-after stuff. And that's what I
was hopin' for when A.J. said he was Face's father. I wanted to tell Face right
away. I wanted to give someone I love what he wanted most in this world: a
family.
Almost immediately I wondered if a professional conman, a
politico like A.J. Bancroft, could be trusted to speak the truth in a situation
like this. And if he were lying, Face would be that much more unhappy when he
learned the truth. Like crashing just short of the runway. I couldn't do that
to my Facey. I had to be sure.
But wasn't there a selfish part of me that wanted to be his
only family? Who wanted him to make his home with me? Maybe that figured in my
thoughts some too.
A.J. convinced me to let him have 24 hours to tell Face in
his own way. And I used that time to make Stockwell see if A.J. was telling the
truth. I didn't see what harm 24 hours could do.
But within 24 hours A.J. Bancroft was dead, and Face still
didn't know that A.J. could be his father.
I had to tell him. He was upset and angry, and he pushed me.
Worse, he was disappointed in me. I didn't think I could take that. I found
myself talking fast to try to explain myself.
"Hell, Murdock! You have a way of twisting me up
inside." Face turned away and paced a few steps.
I leaned back against the tree, frustrated. I love him, but
I always seem to do the wrong thing where he's concerned. "I'm sorry,
Face. I don't mean to."
"Sure you do. You've been trying to tie me in knots for
years."
It felt like he was looking right through me. I didn't know
what to say. He was right. If I left him alone he would be dating Bambi or Toni
or any one of those other bimbos who have names endin' in "i." My
only chance was to shake him up. I knew he wasn't uninterested, but I had to
make him interested.
"C'mon, Murdock," Face grabbed my hand and levered
me upright. He surprised me when he pulled me into his arms, holdin' me close
until I shuddered and relaxed against him. My breathin' steadied, matchin' his
as I got used to the feel of him against me again. I was starved for his touch.
"I love ya, Facey," I sighed into his ear.
"Yeah, I know," he rubbed my back reassuringly. He
knew what I liked.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "Sorry for not
tellin' you about A.J.; sorry for lovin' you when you don't want me to."
"Sorry?" Face hugged me a little closer.
"Don't be. You did what you thought you had to; I know that. You've always
done your best for me. You're always there when I need you. And I love you,
too. Really love you."
"You mean it, Face?" Part of me couldn't hope,
thought that he was saying this to get back at me for not telling him about
A.J. sooner. I pulled back so I could look in his eyes. The sincerity was
there. Not the conman sincerity, but the best friend to best friend kind that I
counted on from him.
His answer was to kiss me. Face can kiss better than anyone
I've ever known. Maybe I feel that way because I'm in love with him; does that
affect how a kiss feels? I guess it must. Imagine the most technically perfect
kiss there is. Not even close to how I feel when Face kisses me.
First he pressed little chaste kisses on the corner of my
mouth, my cheek. I groaned, wanting his lips full against mine. He knew, he
always knew how much to tease me. Soon his lips were where I wanted them to be.
His tongue was running along my lips. I parted 'em, wanting anything he was
willing to give me right now. My entire body tightened up as he stroked my tongue
with his, running along the sides of my mouth and up to my palate, teasin' the
sensitive place there. One of his hands was holding me to him, fingers massaging
through my khakis. The other hand was in my hair, keepin' my lips firmly
pressed to his. The kiss went on and on, and it wasn't nearly long enough. All
too soon, Face pulled back. But he did it slowly, and it didn't taste of
rejection this time. We were both breathin' hard, and that wonderful cologne of
his tickled my nose.
Slowly, I opened my eyes.
"Face, what's different now?" I wasn't trying to
talk him out of this, was I? The kiss must've messed with my mind more than I
thought.
Face sighed 'gainst my shoulder, his fingers tickling along
my neck, giving me the shivers. For a minute, I thought he wasn't gonna answer.
When he did, he sounded so sad.
"With A.J. Bancroft dead, there's one less person in
the world who could mean something to me. Two, now that I know for sure my
mother is dead."
"But, Face, they've never been part of your life. What
can it matter that they're gone when they were never there?"
"I guess it doesn't," but he said it so softly
that I knew it did.
"I know they loved you, Face." I wanted him to
believe that so he wouldn't feel so bad. Face always worries that no one could
love him and it all started with his parents leavin' him when he was little.
"I don't have so many people close to me that I can
afford to throw them away. Only the three of you on the team, and maybe Ellen
if she wants anything to do with me. Murdock, I don't want to throw away this chance
with you. I don't want to risk you leaving."
"Muchacho, I would never leave you. Not willingly. I
love you." I pressed against him to emphasize my point. "You're not
throwin' me away, no matter what happens. I'll always be your best friend. I
just want more."
"I want you to be more, too, Murdock," Face kissed
the corner of my mouth again. "Did I pick a bad time? You serious about
Erika?"
I laughed. "I have a confession, Facey. I hired Erika
to look after Roger, my hamster. She's my ten-year-old neighbor."
Face shook his head and smiled.
We stood there, hugging and touching, for a long time. Just
being easy with each other. Face never let me hold him like this; usually it
was sex or nothing. I was loathe to bring the moment to a close, but, finally, I
had to ask.
"Face?"
"Yeah, Murdock?"
"Do you really love me? This isn't just you scared of
bein' alone, is it? I mean, I can get used to that, too. I love you so much.
But I wanna know; so I can be ready."
"Yeah, sweetheart, I love you. I want to take a chance
with you."
I looked into his blues eyes, my breath catching at what I saw there. Finally he knew that we belonged together. My grip tightened around him, "Chance has nothing to do with it, Muchacho."