Bigamist #2000

Tuesday, April 23 2002

This journal had its 2000th recorded hit yesterday. I say recorded because I only started using Sitemeter in late August or early September. My 1000th hit blew by one day without me ever really noticing but I promised myself I'd keep track of 2000. It seemed like such a fun and interesting idea of hoping to track down that person and contact him or her.

Of course, that's going to be pretty easy. Hit number 2000 was .... drumroll please .... Melissa. So, I guess I won't have any trouble contacting her. I miscounted at first and thought hit #2000 was just a random hit where the person didn't really read anything. Then, I counted back and realized who it was.

Unfortunately, that does spoil some of my plans. I was hoping to design a GIF file for the web page of hit #2000 but Melissa doesn't have a page yet. Yes, I said "yet" because she's considering possibly starting her own online journal. First, she just wants to get comfortable writing for an audience and then we have to find her webspace. So, I might give her a graphic for her page when it goes up anyway.

Even though I know a strong percentage of the hits aren't really readers, I'm surprised I've had this many. At my old site, it took an entire year to crack 100 and that counted a hit for every time I checked the counter. From October of 2000 until I moved the site to its current host, I got fewer hits than I get in a week now. Just call me a hit slut because I'm loving it.

Yesterday's entry was a bit of a downer. Sorry about that. While I don't like to be obvious about messages to individuals posted here, I may have to be this time.

When I last spoke to one of my regular readers, she'd just returned from the hospital. On one hand, she wasn't feeling well so she may have had to get readmitted. On the other hand, I suggested to her that she might be hurting herself by spending too much time online. As an example of how this could work, I mentioned a time when I was in some real pain of my own but didn't want to take care of it because I didn't want to abandon her. She was in a rough way and my decision was that I was probably helping her more than I was hurting myself.

Unfortunately, my lovely ISP decided to kick me offline a few times during this explanation. I have no idea what she saw me type and what she didn't. That means I'm worried someone is hiding with hurt feelings.

In the spirit of my renewed honesty, I'm just going to say a few things. I'm lonely as hell during the day if not more than that. Therefore, I'd really like to have this friend around. On the other hand, I know hearing that would be enough for me to stick through preventable pain. I asked her to be careful that she wasn't making herself worse.

Now, here are a few givens. If neither one of us was sick, we wouldn't run into each other much because we'd both be working. Since this isn't true, I know I'd spend all day every day with her if there were no other factors involved. I think she'd probably spend a lot of time with me as well. The reality is that either one of us could end up inflicting pain on ourselves in the process.

I reserve the right to deal with my pain as I choose. If I feel like it, I'll go through a significant amount of pain in order to avoid being alone. I'll go through even more to enjoy the company of a close friend. This said, I will monitor my own symptoms and may have to leave because of them. I ask her to reserve the same rights for herself. My only complaint was that she tends to think of others first and last.

So, if that hit on yesterday's entry was you, send me some email and let me know. Better yet, send the email and logon to IRC. I've missed having you around.

I'm pissed at Fox for dumping "Ally McBeal." They've started a countdown announcing the end of the show. Next week is the first of the last four new episodes. Last night's show was as strong as any from last year. Yes, I do prefer to see more of Ally during her show but the new characters are really catching on.

Next week promises to be a more Ally oriented episode but this was a Cage driven week. John Cage is often my favorite character and I always said that I wanted the show to end with him and Ally together. Last night, he lost a case where he was defending a woman practicing bigamy. Melissa and I were talking about it and we might just agree with him.

At the very least, being in two committed relationships has to be better than pretending to be in one. I've read accounts of people in such marriages that worked. Different people connect in different ways. The key to the whole thing was that all three people involved knew exactly what was going on. No fraud was perpetrated.

Let's just take a hypothetical couple. (Any similarities to me found here are simply the result of me writing this.) One is in need of constant attention while the other prefers to spend a lot of time alone but needs smaller amounts of very intense attention. The conflict here is obvious but let's suppose the two really love each other.

The needy one could end up finding someone else who likes to give constant attention. That person has other incompatibilities, of course. The traditional solution involves a whole lotta' cheatin' goin' on or the first couple finding some sort of happy medium.

Perhaps there could be a better way for some small minority. Let's add a few specifics to the situation now. Let's just say the really needy person is a woman married to a man who devotes his entire weekends to her. He just wants to go out with his friends after work every night. His job just fires him up to the point where he can't relax at home. The two make each other miserable on the weekdays whether he stays home or goes out.

Now, let's say she meets a devoted hobbyist. Every weekend, that man wants to spend Friday night through Sunday afternoon boating. The essence of the experience for him is the solitude. During the weekdays, he really wishes he had someone who wanted to sit and watch movies with him.

Of course, the breakdown in this whole scenario comes when I mention sex. That's where it breaks down for me as well so I left it out. The whole point is that people like me and maybe you who have hangups about sex should not be able to dictate to this minority. Prenuptial agreements could work out any property difficulties. As for children, I don't think the world should revolve around them. Tell them they have two dads or keep them separated.

One of the centerpieces of the American way of life was introduced by James Madison. He believed that the biggest flaw in democracy was the possibility of "majority tyranny." The rights of minorities are protected by the very structure of our government. If someone wanted to designate the state of Delaware as a massive toxic waste dump, it might pass the House of Representatives. When it got to the Senate, Joe Biden and Tom Carper would have the power to stop it. It's also the basis for parts of the Bill of Rights. Why do we Americans believe in individual rights so strongly until it comes to sex?

Oops...that went off the subject. I was talking about "Ally McBeal" and the character of John Cage. He showed the full range of his character last night. He was the unstoppable Biscuit in court. He was wildly eccentric yet still well centered. At the end, he admitted how attracted he was to the bigamist woman and that he could possibly fall in love with her. She suggested the obvious route for her beliefs and Cage walked away. Her beliefs were ok for her but they weren't for him. He was vulnerable yet remained a rock of strength.

Others faded down to more of a supporting cast role but they were still at their best. Nell and the Lolita lawyer were at war through the whole episode. They managed to find each others birth records and learned they were both using assumed names. Nell was recruited for a case by a lawyer who is perfect for her. He just isn't nice. He gave her a job he said was perfect for her. She was going to play nice lawyer. She protested that she most certainly isn't nice and he stopped her. She didn't have be nice. She had to pretend to be nice. Dame Edna is growing on me and I have to admit how much that scares me.

How could Fox be stupid enough to end things now? Just as the characters are all getting back up to speed, the show was cancelled. I can think of a few shows that meant something to me when they were cancelled. "MASH," "Cheers," and "Seinfeld" (but not until later) were all icons that had time to do a good job of a final show.

The final episode of "MASH" was one of television's all time greatest events. The series was brought to a crisis with Hawkeye losing it. Then the war ended and the show took its time. Everyone realized how hard it would be to leave a place they hated so much. People took the time to say goodbye and loose ends were wrapped up. That's how a show should end.

"Seinfeld" did an ok job of it. The problem is that the show made its whole image out of not taking itself seriously. How do you wrap up something that had so little plot and weight? What they did was have an episode where the main cast was put on trial for being jerks. This explained the whole series to me because I never got why I was supposed to like any of them. The final episode led me to what I had started to suspect. You weren't supposed to like them! It even ended with Jerry doing standup in prison so you know how they spent their immediate future.

"Cheers" was the real stinker. They had a two hour series finale but nothing happened. The war ended on "MASH," the whole "Seinfeld" cast was jailed but what happened to the crowd at the bar? Sam Malone realized that he was happy as a womanizing bar owner. Frazier Crane left to do his own show but everyone else stayed the same.

I hope "Ally McBeal" gets a great send off. Melissa suggested Ally getting married as the best way to end it and I agree to an extent. I think that would have to take place in the future, though. She hasn't known Victor long enough. I'd like to see a lot of laughs in a two hour episode that grows more serious toward the end but doesn't end sadly.

There has to be a lot of change mixed in with enough stability to let you enjoy it. The end of "MASH" had Hawkeye and BJ talking about goodbyes. Trapper had left without saying goodbye so Hawkeye was worried they'd do the same. When Hawkeye's chopper reaches altitude over camp, you can see stones arranged to say "Goodbye." I know I shed tears at that moment.

We've been told that Larry will not return and I think that's a shame. Whether you wanted to see him and Ally or Victor and Ally, Larry needs closure. Billy should make an appearance as well. Perhaps "ghostly Billy" could show up at a wedding walking beside Ally symbolically giving her away. The loose ends need tying.

Hopefully this entry hasn't dipped into the morose anywhere. Today, I'm not desperately lonely. I would like some company but the desperation isn't there. I joked on "journals -l" that I had better write something good today after making a blatant pimp. If I may say so myself, I think I have.