Paper Products

Sunday, May 30 2004

The party was very nice and I got to meet some people I hadn't seen before. It looks like my sister's wedding is going to turn into quite the party so it should be great. It also looks like I don't have any worries about being the least behaved person there either. After the party, I was so tired I couldn't even lift my arms to read but it was worth it.

It turns out that I didn't become much of a distraction at all. For one thing, my meds were mostly working and I also spent a lot of time sitting. It was pleasant and I didn't even get into any of my annoying behaviors. That includes monopolizing conversation for hours on end or sitting silently because of the rocks in my head. As far as I can tell, I avoided both. I didn't even spend the whole time grazing at the food sitting right next to me.

There was even some mildly good news. I was about ready to go on the attack against someone who insulted Melissa. While I was at the party, I mentioned it and found out that this person is just a serial insulter that people know not to take seriously. This means I don't even need to worry about it. I ask people to treat me with compassion so I darn well better be willing to do the same.

Melissa and I went grocery shopping after the party and we stuck to stuff we really needed. Cat litter and toilet paper need no explanation so I'll leave the bad puns to your imagination. We also bought some yogurt and cereal because I wanted to start eating breakfast again. Therefore, I'm sitting here with a cup of good coffee, a yogurt, a mostly finished bowl of cereal and a small glass of orange juice.

When I put down my cereal bowl to clear a little more room on my desk, Pippi pounced. Obviously, she'd been eyeing it for a while and she licked the very little bit of milk I'd left behind thoroughly. Maddie didn't seem interested at all. I haven't decided if I like this yogurt or not yet. It's a lemon flavored light version of a store brand and I usually love lemon.

Yeah, I know this is probably a little weird to write about breakfast but these things are what keep me going. I may never make the decision to lose weight because I love the sensations and flavors involved in food. Then again, I should say it's the details in everything that count. I spend a fair amount of time just watching the cats who are napping in the window now.

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words and I'm someone that takes a lot of mental snapshots of life. Both of the kittens are in their hammock in the window sill napping. Pippi is sleeping with her head up as they both do from time to time. It looks like Maddie managed to worm her way back into the middle of the hammock because Pippi is off to the side. Maddie has her head resting on her front paw in a posture that looks awfully human.

The pain is creeping up on me now and it's a little scary. I find myself sitting here trying to shake it off pretty much literally and then wonder how long it's been there. I can't remember how to spell it but mentally splitting myself off from the pain is still my first line of defense and my most effective. If I'm not able to do that well enough, I take the pills. Even then, they aren't strong enough to have an effect if I'm letting myself pay attention to the pain.

The downside to this method is that the pain creeps up the scale awfully easily. The meds also work best if I start medicating at around a four or five on the scale. Things can sneak up to around seven or eight before my mental defenses start to give way. Even so, I'm pretty good at dealing with it all. It's a matter of practice and that's that.

While I was in New York, I read that lions sleep up to 20 hours a day. Perhaps "Maddielions" can beat even that. They woke up when I looked over at them in yet another cute and amusing moment. One thing I didn't even realize was that I wasn't at all myself while I was gone because they weren't with me. I knew they had managed to worm their way into my heart but I didn't even realize how much.

It's a darn good thing that they decided to forgive me. I didn't think it was possible but Maddie holds grudges. She was pissed at us when we got home and wanted nothing to do with either of us. Since she had barely gotten over the first time we left, I was afraid this snit could be longer. No, she's back to her normal cuddly, affectionate, food-stealing self.

Since I've been back from New York, I've started to get back into this journal thing. It goes along in mood swings. There are some times when I figure I should drop it (but not before 2005) and then I get back into it. Back in November and December, I thought I was done with the Chiari period of my life and I tried to stop writing about it. Now, I know I'll probably never be truly done with it. After all, I'll have the emotional scars and the wisdom I've gained for the rest of my life.

Oh my. I heard a strange noise and couldn't find Maddie immediately so I'm sure you can put it together just like I did. Yes, she was the cause of the strange noise. This time, she decided to unroll a mostly full roll of paper towels. Then the little bugger managed to stay just out of reach so I couldn't take her away from the new "toy." I don't think she can do much damage to something that's disposable anyway so I plan on leaving it so Melissa can see it.

I'm sitting here trying to catch up on all the web pages I've missed over the past couple of weeks. That includes journals and even one I was thrilled to see come back. I didn't link to it because the journaller had written something about wanting some anonymity. For some reason, that caused me to forget about it for almost two months despite it being on my favorites list. Oh well. I like reading large parts of journals all at once.

I think Maddie needs help with her paper products problem. I went to see what she was up to and she appeared to be making a nest. She must have thought I was going to take it away from her like I should and she meowed and tried to defend it. Of course, I was going to pick her up instead so she played right into my hands. Is there some sort of program she can join for this addiction?