WRATH
2:
Parade of Insanity
WEEK 5
Well, first the two big events of the week. We have our first fatality. As many of you may have guessed, Sean just wasn't going to make it. His eye became more and more gangrenous and infected as the week drew on (we're talking big-time ooze factors, from white, lumpy pus to gooey, orange infected blood), and by Wednesday all he could do was wander around, doing impressions of the cyclops from "Cannibal: The Musical" ("Are yew lookin' at mah EYE?!") and sobbing from the pain. At about noon, when everyone else was holed up in their rooms munching stored food, K. Thor snuck off, found Sean, and drove an icepick through his eye into his brain, killing him almost instantly. Since the wound looked so extremely ghastly on its own, no one suspected foul play; everyone simply assumed Sean had finally keeled over dead. Only K. Thor, the security hold, and millions of rapt FOX watchers knew differently. It was almost an act of pity, though K. Thor's loyal fanbase know better.
As for the other big development, well, Mike strikes again. First he destroyed most of the food, now he has gotten rid of everyone's medicine. During breakfast Monday morning, he was running excitedly around the house. It wasn't until Staria discovered her anti-psychotics missing when everyone realized what he was doing. By this time, however, he was already streaking gleefully toward the lake. The other contestants gave chase, but to no avail: he dumped every pill into the lake before he could be stopped. K. Thor, She-God, Neil, Bill, and Mark accosted Mike and started beating the shit out of him; April, Staria, and Aous jumped into the lake to try and save what medicines they could. No luck; all were ruined. Those in a the lake began to notice an odd smell; and their eyes were stinging. In a dazzling display of adrenaline-fueled strength, Mike broke free from his five attackers long enough to light a match and hurl it into the water; it lit up into flame. April, Staria, and Aous shouted in surprise. April was close enough to the shore to climb out, but Staria and Aous were forced to submerge. Both had to surface for breath a number of times before the fire burned itself out; both Staria and Aous received some nasty burns about the face and shoulders. Aous screamed, "My hair! My beautiful hair!" and ran inside. Staria climbed out of the lake, now teeming and acrid with dead fish, frogs, and birds, and began helping with Mike's beating. Mike's used to being beaten on by several members of the group at once, but this one in particular was vicious. When finally it ceased, Mike was left one the ground, his eyes swollen shut, his nose broken, several of his teeth missing, and his left wrist badly discolored. He was laughing. And so we discovered where the rest of the fuel had been.
All WRATH and no medication makes for a very tense group. April's new plan now took shape with a relentless pace. By Tuesday morning, she had pounded at the floorboards of the second story, removed support bolts, and sawed at weak points in the structure to render the entire second floor a disaster area. Aous, Mark, and Staria fell through holes to the first floor, where April was always waiting with a 2 x 4 to administer punishment. It was particularly nasty to Staria, whose burns were clearly raw and sore. It rendered her unable to fight back, and she was forced to slink off to nurse her wounds and plot revenge.
Revenge came Wednesday night, when Aous and Staria snuck into April's room as she slept, bound her hands and feet, and carried her into the bathroom, where they held her underwater in the bathtub for long stretches, allowing her to breathe, then holding her under again. They did this for several minutes, before leaving her there to gasp oxygen. Although not harmful, the horror and pain of the situation brought a smile to Aous and Staria's faces, cementing their brief truce.
Neil and She-God's master-and-slave union came to an abrupt
end Thursday night, when, as Staria preached from her text, The Holy Babble,
Mark nailed her in the face with a projectile made of sour cream, old newspaper,
and Elmer's glue. She-God was disgusted. "God damn it! I fuckin' HATE glue!"
You could see Neil's pupils shrink back to their normal, non-brainwashed size.
"Hate GLUE?!" he growled, incredulously.
"Yeah," said She-God, wiping it from her face, "it's NASTY."
Neil shrieked in rage and lifted the completely surprised She-God over his
head, like Vader lifting the Emperor in "Return of the Jedi." He heaved her
through the front picture window of Murder Manor, and she landed hard in the
vegetable garden, where she lay for some time, a demoralized, bleeding mess.
It was not the end of a bad day for She-God, however. When finally she picked
herself up and went inside, her hand clasped firmly around a nasty cut on
her left arm, Bill greeted her with a "Jesus! What in the name of all that's
holy happened to you?"
She glared at him and hissed, "Obey me, for I am the Alpha and the Omega,
the Karma, and the Chameleon, the Barca and the Lounger, the-" Bill laughed
out loud and punched her in the face. She was so surprised, he had to punch
her again to get her to fall down. Once recovered from that, she went to her
room, where she has sulked ever since. It has NOT been a self-esteem-building
week for She-God, who is undoubtedly starting to regret her role in the change
of WRATH's format.
On the lighter side of things, Bill is still fucking with everyone's minds in new and exciting ways. On Friday, he found a Mike and Ike candy under the couch in the living room, and painted it up to look like a Prozac pill. He offered it to April in exchange for fellatio. It was interesting to actually see her consider it for two-tenths of a second before kicking him in the balls. He preceded that particular antic with an entire day (Thursday, for those of you with ADD) of Patsy Cline's "Crazy" sung by him in widely varying ranges and styles. Aous has attacked him many times, but each time wiry Bill has managed to evade serious harm. The huge axe he carries with him at all times doesn't hurt, either.
Staria didn't do well the first three or four days of the week due to her burns, and injuries inflicted upon her by April. However, Thursday and Friday she picked up the slack by doing some of the most disgusting shit we in the security hold have EVER seen. Remember the animals she nailed upon the walls way back during Week 1? Well, now all of them are ripe colonies of maggots, beetles, ants, and other less pleasant organisms. What she does is waits in a darkened corner and tackles whomever comes around it, shoving a filth-ridden piece of animal flesh into her victim's mouth. The vomit in the house has increased significantly to her efforts. She-God, Neil, Mark, and Aous all fell victim to this ploy, and she shows no signs of slowing down.
Mark has been the sniper of the week, biding his time, and taking each opportunity that arises to pelt his victims with something unpleasant. He's pasted everyone in the house with some awful concoction at least once, though he invariably returns to his favorite victims, Mike and She-God, whenever possible. Mike, whose extensive wounds from Monday's beatings prevented him from walking about the house for two days, has been the least receptive of these attacks, chasing Mark down for hand-to-hand combat every time, almost always losing. Still, his occasional small victories, like the time he ducked a punch from Mark and Mark ended up putting his hand through the TV, are well-received by Mike's fans, and detested by Mark's. The two are developing a sort of David-and-Goliath rivalry, and it will be interesting to see how it resolves itself.
As for the show itself, ratings are at an all-time high, partly due to the growing violence, partly due to the blossoming blood feuds, partly due to April and Staria's multiple appearances in wet clothing this week, and partly due, of course, to the unstoppable hype machine that is FOX. Due to last week's postponement of Week 5 (the cause: Dubya interrupting on all the major networks to explain just why the fuck we are once again bombing Iraq into the stone age), this week promises to be a killer: sweeps is here, and the contestants know it. Week 6's summary (Feb. 18-24) is due tomorrow, and Week 7 will be here on Saturday... so you get 3 WRATH episodes in one week. Thank FOX, and thank Saddam Hussein for being so damn hard to kill.