WRATH
2:
Parade of Insanity
WEEK 6
Pleased with the self-esteem shattering results of his punching out She-God, Bill harassed her all day Monday, poking fun at her and screaming the chorus of Shonen Knife's ultra-grating song "Banana Chips" in her ears over and over ("Banana Chips, Banana Chips, Banana Chips, Banana Chips, Banana Chips, Banana Chips, Banana Chips, OH YEAH!") However, it wasn't until that night when things really started coming undone.
After She-God began furiously attacking him, Bill left the room, and indeed the house, to wander outside, up to the mine perimeter. There he chanted for several minutes. Nothing happened. Finally, he called out "Stacey?" and who should appear but the ghost of Stacey, one of the final contestants to be killed in WRATH: Cycle 1 and looking as adorable and standoffish as ever. A cruel glint lit up in her eyes, however, when Stacey heard his plan. Cheerfully, she agreed. She and Bill went upstairs to She-God's room, where she sat dejectedly on her bed, stroking a long, wooden stake. Bill entered with a huge grin. "Hey She-God! LOOK!"
Stacey floated into the room. "Hello, Melinda."
"H-how did you know my real... I mean, my former name?" She-God
stammered.
"I've been dead long enough to learn some stuff. For instance, I know you're
not a deity. You're not even remotely immortal."
She-God stood up, a fire of insane fury brimming behind her eyes. "Oh?" she
hissed.
"Yup," Stacey cheerfully nodded, floating right up to her face. "In fact,
you're going to die TODAY."
And we in the security hold knew that all bets were off.
"NEVER!!!" shrieked She-God, plunging her stake into Stacey's
ghost's chest. Her weapon, of course, passed harmlessly through, and lodged
in Bill's heart. He looked very, very surprised.
Stacey chuckled. "Oh yeah, Bill, I forgot to mention... so are you."
Stacey laughed loudly, and floated up to the ceiling.
"STOP IT!" shouted She-God. "STOP LAUGHING!" The shouts and laughing brought
the rest of the group to her door, where they saw Bill's twitching corpse
on the ground.
"She's broken the embargo!" exclaimed April.
"TIME FOR A FUCKIN' BLOODBATH!" roared Aous,
brandishing his cat-o-nine tails. He put a vicious swipe across She-God's
face, which she didn't even seem to feel; she kicked him away. Staria and
Neil leapt on her at the same time: Staria clasped her hands around She-God's
throat, as Neil tackled her around the waist. All three wound up on the ground,
where She-God, in her pseudo-holy fury, bucked them both off , crawled to
her knees, held the stake high above her head, and screamed "SINNER!
FEEL MY WRATH!" before plunging the stake into Staria's gut, in a segment
we will surely be using in our commercials on FOX.
Staria could scarcely believe it; She-God removed her stake and Staria curled up in pain. Mike ran up and kicked She-God in the face, knocking her away from the moaning Staria. April tackled Mike, apparently happy with She-God for mortally wounding her greatest enemy. They wrestled on the ground. Aous recovered, and together with Neil and K. Thor, grabbed She-God off of her feet. K. Thor grabbed her stake-wielding wrist and bit into it; blood gushed out from between his teeth and she cried out and dropped her stake. They carried her to the stairs, where she got a leg loose and kicked Aous in the face: he toppled down the stairs. K. Thor and Neil sent She-God following after. They landed next to each other. Aous, who had more time to recover, grabbed She-God's head and rammed it into the hard concrete floor a few times; she open-palmed his jaw, causing him to bite through his tongue. She got to her feet and kicked him over, then lifted him up and slammed his face down onto the windowsill of the picture window Neil had hurled her through the week before: broken glass jutted three inches into forehead. He screamed, gurgling, in pain, blinded. By now, K. Thor and Neil were rushing down the stairs. She-God had grabbed the basketball-sized pendulum clock from a nearby end table, and threw it at Neil, who ducked. He and K. Thor hit her hard, bull-rushing her with their shoulders, and all three broke the front door off its hinges and wound up in the front yard, dazed. Mark, who had watched at the top of the stairs, now ran back into She-God's room and climbed out of her window onto the roof, chuckling at Mike and April, who were still fighting. Mike had managed to rip April's shirt off (of course), but April had taken off Mike's pants and now had him in a perpetual wedgie by his "Red Dwarf" boxers.
She-God, still fueled by adrenaline, bitch-slapped Neil with her injured arm and head-butted K. Thor at the same time. She got up and started to go back inside, when K. Thor kicked out his foot and snapped her knee. She fell over backwards, and that was when Mark jumped on her.
He came down from the second-story landing feet first onto her chest. It made a noise akin to someone dropping a safe onto a bag of extra-crunchy sourdough pretzels. The landing was awkward; he fell forward, rolled, and sprang to his feet in time to see She-God gurgle up a fount of blood and die.
Silence followed, broken only by Aous' death rattle from just inside, and the muffled tussle coming from upstairs between Mike and April. K. Thor, Mark, and Neil looked to one another, unsure of what to do. Suddenly, K. Thor broke away and ran up to his room, picking up Aous' cat-o-nine-tails on the way, locking his door. Mark and Neil followed suit; things were very uncertain now, and no one knew how to proceed.
April and Mike stopped fighting, noticing the silence. Mike let April out of his noogie, and retrieved his pants. They went downstairs together and looked at the carnage. Bill the Splut and Staria, of course, lay upstairs, stake-sized holes oozing blood. Aous lay at the bottom of the stairs near the front window, a wide pool of blood spreading from around his head. She-God lay outside on the porch, cut and bruised from her fights, a thick flow of dark blood issuing from her mouth and nose, staining the grass around her.
"Christ's fat cock!" uttered Mike, "She's killed half the fucking
contestants!"
"What do we do now?" asked April, looking at Mike uncertainly.
"Nyer!" grunted Mike, taking off as fast as he could for his room.
That was Monday night.
The rest of the week was fearful and tense. Stacey's ghost showed up a few more times to check out the house, and even provided an interview with us in the security hold (Quote: "Did you see how I psyched that bitch out? Was that fucking classic or WHAT?") Ratings for Monday night (and its reshowing Tuesday morning) were through the roof: for this we credit the general population's thirst for carnage, and April's extended segment in just a bra (I hear her bodacious ta-ta's now have their own monument near Mobile, Alabama). Mike's pantslessness was shown to drive viewers away.
All that happened the rest of the week: Mark emerged to gather weapons dropped about the house, and Mike emerged at the same time for the same purpose, and was driven away by Mark. He returned later on, and April did the same. Everyone then stayed in their rooms, anxiously planning, sketching, and exercising... for everyone knows, the next melee will likely render all but one of them dead.