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~JonAnne*
posted 6.7
Beyond
The End
I long to move beyond
the starting point
even further to beyond the end
I desire to be the sun
striking in the sky and
all at once I'm burning images
into your mind's eye
rain shadows have crept over me
when once before I was innocent
and playful in my years
I am still young but
now fading fast
I am blocked into this room
with my own words
thrown out to become prey
these pearls are swept away
far from shore
this constant tide
insipidly fizzing in and out
is starting to bore me
I dream to disolve rapidly
and without a trace
of any existence
I aspire to be a star
perched lazily in the sky
you couldn't pick me out
even if you tried
I do not fear the unknown
to be unknown even less
words flicker out
of the only candle left
burning to keep me safe
from the dark
and wrapped up in the grey
The moon lures me in
I am caught in its shining web
I yearn to lie still
and let the quiet breeze cover me
lose all sense of reality
I long to forget all fears
and move beyond
the starting point
and even further
to beyond the end
posted 5.26
Flying Lessons
Sunday afternoon
we ran down to the park
skies were blue blue
oh.. so blue
we kicked the leaves
just to hear them die
you and I
you and I
on swift winds we flew
carried away on silver wings
we left our bodies behind
only air between our thoughts
just enough to cloud our minds
high.. we were so high Amelia
we couldn’t see the ground
on that sunday afternoon
the skies were blue blue
so.. so.. blue
we flew too high Amelia
we thought we saw you there
we knew the beauty couldn’t hold us
but hoped that we wouldn’t care
once we fell to the earth
as raindrops falling
a million miles apart
We should have listened to you, amelia
On that Sunday afternoon
Don’t be fooled by the beauty, you said
Don’t let it be fooled by you
You can never capture it
You can never cage it
Only pray that you dream it
And hope that fulfills desire
But we got so close didn’t we
We thought we were the sky
We thought we were picturesque
As we drifted out of sight
And when the storm hit
Our soaring souls were parted
just like the tree
that had been struck-split
by lightning the night before
blue blue
the skies were blue
on that Sunday afternoon
Sunday
afternoon
we flew too high Amelia
we should have listened to you
IsM
I'm listening to
music playing
on someone else's radio
The lights are on
but I'm here in the dark
shivering in the
cold needing grasps
of a mind differed
I am so small
my hands my eyes
even my brain they say
is half the size
of man
and I'm disillusioned
aren't we all
or maybe I'm the only one
who sees things clearly
maybe madness really
is divine
and I’m the only one
that’s sane
a girl a woman
an IsM in the human race
with eyes that stare
pulling out what they need
longing desperate for
a trace
a trance a mindset
backlash
a sense of objectivity
idolatry
when will I become
what you think I am
Turn off your music
And let me fall
Let me fly
I am so small
I am so small
This spark this fire
Is fading fast
this IsM is fading too
catch it
before it leaves the earth
catch it
before it slips through
Ice Princess
the ice princess
sits in her
fortress within a fortress
trapping out the light
so her frozen spirit
never melts and is reborn
to have and to hold
to cherish and to let go
again...
The arched beams
reaching towards to heavens
cage her frosty spirit within
the pleasures of the world
are lost upon her icey skin
and eyes blue as the roaring oceans
do not look deep into the night
longing to be melted blissfully
by the glow of the clear moonlight
but stay forever transfixed
on her own sorrowful sin
for the ice princess
once loved too much
so much that everything
she touched froze
and when her grip was lost
her frozen lovers
brittle and stiff
fell to the earth
and the ice princess
carved from her own broken spirit
was born
never to love and loose
again.
Restaurant
Incessant
chatter fills
these sparce wooded walls
What seems like a million voices screeching,
Shrieking with laughter
Monotonous they drone
on and on
Desperate for ears to listen
Invade my subconscious
No longer alone
Someone lurks in my presence
My sweaty palm glides off the moist glass
A million people
Unleash their inner beasts
at 12 o’clock sharp
TV waves, radio waves, useless waves
All find their way
into my head
and under my skin
picking up my check
I slip out of my chair
as plates slip out
of the waiters hand
I want to run and scream
But I walk casually
trying to remain
unaffected by chaos...
where do you go
when silence doesn't exist
submitted 4.22.99
Disregarded Words
disregarded words
I try to make the perfect
sentence
women tend to worry
about life
I am sore and afraid
the trash overflows
dropping images
and broken screams
that land on my head
thrown out of a window
facing the gutter
I routinely walk through
at night my hands shake
they cut off the phone lines
pieces of my hair
are scattered on the floor
sticking my skin
I try to wash them off
but disregarded words
come back and me
over and over
again
women tend to worry
if I say it
it may come true
putting my fingers to my lips
I quiet myself
So That I May
you know i haven't lived the
life you've lived
but i've lived and i see
i see the deep sprawled open wide in front of me
like a mouth ready to suck me in
i've been swimming in the deep
only to be spit out again
stillborn and writhing
i've drowned in rivers deeper
than the hole you've fallen in
i am the sand that slips through your fingers
i would stay if you held me
but i would be lost...too small for you to see
and so i slip...
and yet too big for me to forget
'cause i know the secrets of a million years
i hold the ancient within me
you can't break me because i've been broken
broken and distorted
by the waves that push their way through me
pushing their way out of me
out of me this nonverbal flow of energy
pulls me under
my body is numb my mind is restless
let go of my string
so that i may float
so that i may fade
so that i may...
Disappearing Smile
Each hour holds a minute
and within that a second
and beyond that a moment
slipping away
out of my reach
out of the grasp
of reality
With each day the hours slither
down my spine seeping through
the cracks in my brain
to that tiny part
that cradles a disappearing smile
hours drizzle down
like slimy rain
leaving residue of minutes
and within that seconds
and beyond that flashes of images
that float before my eyes
I don't even have to close
them anymore
to remember
to know
that the disappearing smile
clinging for life
to that part of my brain
that time and circumstance attacks
with relentless pressure
that disapeering smile
etching its way out
through innocent fading flesh...
is mine
A Light Still Glows in The Forest
They hold her under the water
there she settles in ravaged scorn
Pushed down deep beneath
their dead heartbeats
thrust down far beyond their
misshapen forms
held down no longer by force
she lays serene in the thrashing tides
The pain is her window
air seeps through and life is abundant
when it's on her side
she sits by the window
a cool breeze stirs
sweet licks of dizzy fire
as the water brushes over her bruised body
She watches the evening lower its defenses
a light still glows in the forest
the red blaze blossoms in her eyes
no one can harm her
she is a shell
no one can kill her
she is imagination
she is a cocoon
tucked in tight
she is forever
and will live long after
they realize their spirits
are broken and everything
in their world has withered and died
my lovely
swimming in my lovely
i would have been her mermaid
my eyes swimming into her liquid deep
i would have rescued her
set her stone legs free
my lovely
make a wish at my expense
scattered fragments in the wind
fly me fly me away
i would have been her faerie
given her wings so light
to sigh a single breath
would have meant to fly
but does she believe
my lovely
float me float me
to lavender on strings
i sink i float i fly
in between fiery falling drops
sunlight sparkles in her lucid eyes
burst her lips to flame
ashes black as charcoal rubbed into my skin
she rubs her face into my flesh
with fingers so lovely they singe
her voice is my covered mask
i drink her ashes mingled with wine
her body and spirit
become one with mine
faerie falling whisper beauty
mermaids swimming drifting through me
i did not fly to fall
i did not swim to sink
fill me too full
my lovely
and the rest is yours to keep
oh my lovely
she sucked my eyes too deep
now now now i see
i see the black unsweet
wings broken
scattered dust
no more faerie kisses
my lovely
no more mermaid wishes
my lovely
she chose to take them with her
with her with her
i wither to nothing
my lovely
all poems © 1999 ~ JonAnne*
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